What Does It Mean to Say Goodbye? (Part One)

I am writing this in the last days of 2017, in the bitter cold of winter. I wish for all of you many blessings in the coming new year.

As we come round into 2018, I know I must turn more intentionally to focus on the work involved in leaving this beloved community next summer, and what it means to say goodbye. Some of that work is inherently practical—I want to pass along to staff and volunteers, for example, the institutional memory that is now in my own mind, or in files in my office. So I will be sorting through files in my office, or on my computer, or just pondering what I know, to make sure that what needs to be passed along will find a good home among you. And what is not needed by you or me, I will let go of, so that the minister's office itself is ready for an interim minister to use in August.

Some of the work is spiritual and involves my consciously letting go of control, and leaning into trust. For example, I will let go of my role in the future planning of the congregation. I notice this already happening as the board talks about the process of hiring an interim minister—and I purposefully don't speak. In our UU way of transition, the current minister is not meant to offer any opinions about the future direction of the church. It will be up to the board, and to other volunteer church leaders, to do the work of preparing for the transition. I have been so accustomed to being in the thick of our planning for the future, and I have to admit that it is hard to let go of that. I have loved being the minister of A2U2, and so I feel a certain poignancy as aspects of that role begin to drop away. But as a spiritual practice, it is a growing edge that allows me to put my trust in the great River of Life and in all of you.

For your part, the spiritual work may involve realizing more deeply and clearly that this congregation's ministry and future belong to you. It will be your work to envision its hopes, to claim the aspects you cherish, to let go of what is no longer needed, and to imagine new ways to live its mission. And perhaps most of all, it will be your work to listen well to each other as you shape this future together. You may have different ideas about what is important, what you hope for, what you are concerned about—but if you listen well, the future will be more beautiful together than it could ever be if shaped by only one person or a small segment. You will grow spiritually by putting your trust in each other, and in the great River of Life.

Every ending is a chance to reflect on and practice for the larger endings in our lives, and the ultimate ending of death. They say that what is most important to those who are dying are four things—to forgive and be forgiven, to say thank you and be thanked, to express their love and be loved, and to say goodbye. The ending of a ministry also includes some of the same emotional tasks. It will be good for us to acknowledge the hard places, to ask for forgiveness for the ways we have disappointed or hurt each other, despite our best intentions. It will be good for us to reflect on our years of shared ministry, to celebrate that ministry, to express gratitude to each other. It will be good for us to express our love for each other. And eventually, it will be good to say goodbye to each other openly and with affection.

Of course, in the meantime, we will still worship together, we will still care for each other, we will still continue to live our mission in the best way we can, to offer hope and healing to a troubled world. If you have questions about any of this process, please let me know. I am your minister right now.

Affectionately, Rev. Myke

Mercy

Those of us who passionately care about making the world a better place; those of us who are change agents; people like ministers and activists--have a struggle in our hearts.  I know it very well myself, in any case.  You will have to decide if this struggle affects you or not.

I want to talk about one of my inner demons--you know, those persistent patterns of behavior that lurk under the surface of our character.  During my sabbatical I got acquainted with many of my inner demons, and found it helpful to give them names, when I was able to recognize them in action.  

So the one I am thinking about today is the Critical One.  What I love about the Critical One is her ability to hone in on what is broken and even come up with some good ideas about how to address the problem.  What I hate about the Critical One is how she always hones in on what is broken, and gets overwhelmed by how much work there is to solve our problems.  What was that beautiful quote?  “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.”  The Critical One has a hard time with that.  When she takes over, I forget about the mystery.  I can do it to myself, I can do it to my family, I can do it to our church, I can do it to our country, I can do it to Life in general.  It probably is part of why I can name so many of my inner demons, and sometimes forget to name my inner beauties.

The first step in dealing with an inner demon is to see it and accept it.  Which of course is just the opposite of what the Critical One would do.  She would fix herself.  I also have to remember that she’s hiding feelings--all demons hide something.  Under my Critical One I find anger.  (How many of us learned to deal well with our anger?)  I also find the vast gap between what we can imagine and dream about, and the pain in us and around us in reality.  

Think about our world.  Has there ever been a time when there was no war, no violence, no struggle, no oppression?  We sometimes like to imagine that there was an Eden of perfect peace and joy.  In fact, it is an amazing capacity that human beings can dream of perfection, can imagine justice and harmony.  (Maybe the Dreamer and the Critical One are siblings.)  But in reality, I don’t think the world has ever been perfect. And that is what shook loose my vision.  The Creator--or if you don’t relate to the idea of a creator--think of it as nature, or the sun shining on the earth, or the Life force--the Creator has embraced us the whole way through.  Life unfolds age after age.  The sun shines on the good and the bad, the environmentalists and the polluters.  Suddenly I realized that this is the experience of mercy--to be embraced as we are.  

I am trying to get to that place which embraces the beauty in what exists right now, not as I dream it could be.  Can I embrace my self, as I am, all my demons included, right now?  Can I notice the beauty in my family, each day?  Can I embrace my church community, all our struggles included, right now?  Can I embrace my country, with its deceit and greed, can I see its hope and courage?  Can I embrace this life, always filled with both beauty and pain?  I do have that power in me, as well as the Critical One.  Maybe I can call her the “Embracer of All That Is.”  Invite her to go to tea with the Critical One, and work out the balance between the two of them. 

       Mercy leads to joy.