Mercy

Those of us who passionately care about making the world a better place; those of us who are change agents; people like ministers and activists--have a struggle in our hearts.  I know it very well myself, in any case.  You will have to decide if this struggle affects you or not.

I want to talk about one of my inner demons--you know, those persistent patterns of behavior that lurk under the surface of our character.  During my sabbatical I got acquainted with many of my inner demons, and found it helpful to give them names, when I was able to recognize them in action.  

So the one I am thinking about today is the Critical One.  What I love about the Critical One is her ability to hone in on what is broken and even come up with some good ideas about how to address the problem.  What I hate about the Critical One is how she always hones in on what is broken, and gets overwhelmed by how much work there is to solve our problems.  What was that beautiful quote?  “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.”  The Critical One has a hard time with that.  When she takes over, I forget about the mystery.  I can do it to myself, I can do it to my family, I can do it to our church, I can do it to our country, I can do it to Life in general.  It probably is part of why I can name so many of my inner demons, and sometimes forget to name my inner beauties.

The first step in dealing with an inner demon is to see it and accept it.  Which of course is just the opposite of what the Critical One would do.  She would fix herself.  I also have to remember that she’s hiding feelings--all demons hide something.  Under my Critical One I find anger.  (How many of us learned to deal well with our anger?)  I also find the vast gap between what we can imagine and dream about, and the pain in us and around us in reality.  

Think about our world.  Has there ever been a time when there was no war, no violence, no struggle, no oppression?  We sometimes like to imagine that there was an Eden of perfect peace and joy.  In fact, it is an amazing capacity that human beings can dream of perfection, can imagine justice and harmony.  (Maybe the Dreamer and the Critical One are siblings.)  But in reality, I don’t think the world has ever been perfect. And that is what shook loose my vision.  The Creator--or if you don’t relate to the idea of a creator--think of it as nature, or the sun shining on the earth, or the Life force--the Creator has embraced us the whole way through.  Life unfolds age after age.  The sun shines on the good and the bad, the environmentalists and the polluters.  Suddenly I realized that this is the experience of mercy--to be embraced as we are.  

I am trying to get to that place which embraces the beauty in what exists right now, not as I dream it could be.  Can I embrace my self, as I am, all my demons included, right now?  Can I notice the beauty in my family, each day?  Can I embrace my church community, all our struggles included, right now?  Can I embrace my country, with its deceit and greed, can I see its hope and courage?  Can I embrace this life, always filled with both beauty and pain?  I do have that power in me, as well as the Critical One.  Maybe I can call her the “Embracer of All That Is.”  Invite her to go to tea with the Critical One, and work out the balance between the two of them. 

       Mercy leads to joy.